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Written by unidentified author
You know you’re a softball junkie if…
1. Your bat costs more than the car you drive
2. You have your wedding at home plate
3. A cop asks to see your ID and you show him your "All Tourney MVP" trophy
4. You lose two games and get eliminated by noon, but call the old lady and
say if we win this one we play at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow
5. One of the other bats in your bag is older than your shortstop
6. You will drive 7 hours in your truck for a 3-game guarantee, but can't
drive 45 minutes to the in-laws due to mechanical problems/worries
7. The term "double-header" refers to that special weekend you and your
roomie had with the local softball groupie
8. Your bat bag ever contains more beers than softballs
9. You've ever put more than 6 players in a single motel room to save
expenses, and ended up with disabled furniture
10. You have ever pulled a jean-shorts wearing fan out of the stands to fill
out your team and have him end up being the best player on your team
11. You spend more time writing your team's name over opponents on stolen
softballs than you do in the hitting cages trying to get better (admit it, we've
all been there)
12. You quit a decent job to avoid missing a good tournament
13. Your team cannot play in a big tournament, so you go out to the ballpark
anyway, and walk around with your bag, looking for a short-handed team
14. The only way you can remember the year your niece was born is to remember
that it caused your brother missed the regionals in little rock
15. You get more upset about your roommate using your Miken without
permission than you did when you found out he was nailing your sister
16. You bail teammates out of jail, but only to avoid being playing
short-handed
17. You drive 30 hours to Key West for a family vacation, and end up umpiring
in their winter league while you’re there
18. You get in the losers bracket, play the last game Saturday night, stay at
the park and drink beer, it gets real late, so you go to the master bracket, see
what field you play on the next day, and go sleep in that dugout
19. You treat your bat like the jeweled scepter of Czar Nicholas, but your
glove is 17 years old and held together by shoestrings, speaker wire, and
cable-ties
20. As you and two teammates finish off the third case of beer of the day,
you suggest that a player on an opposing team would be pretty good if he didn’t
drink so much.
21. You think a player who chases bad pitches has a more severe character
flaw than a drug addict or an embezzler
22. You know "Demarini" is not the place you launch your bass boat on the
weekend
23. You think the four basic needs of life are seeds, Gatorade/beer, hot
dogs, and icy hot
24. You know that "hitting to opposite field" or “going both ways” or “switch
hitter” isn't being gay
25. You know that a p-rod is not something you expose to a softball groupie
after you’ve had a 12 pack
26. Your cleats have more JB Weld on them than they do rubber
27. You asked your wife to marry you on your second date, but need four team
meetings to decide which infielders you are going to invite to next year's
tryouts
28. You have played in the church league for 6 years, but are not real sure
which town the church is located in
29. You left your wife, and your 29-minute-old firstborn, at the hospital
with the words “gotta go, we’re in the finals of the winners bracket”
30. You're more upset over one your players just up and leaving the team than
you are by your wife/girlfriend just up and leaving you.
31. Your wife/girlfriend has learned that in order to have a conversation
with you, she must preface it with, "how'd you hit?"
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