Issue #
013
Date:
Saturday August 22nd, 1998 10:37 am
Mark George, the guy
who wrote the hilarious Stone Cold satire several
issues ago, is
back. I'm going to reprint his first letter, and
then
his new one.
Please remember; the first letter is a joke. its not
real. Mark is
not an alcoholic, he doesn't beat children. its
satire, one big
joke. Your responses indicated that most of you
really enjoyed
his writing. For those of you who don't realize he
was
kidding, please
pay attention. its not real.
Now's its time
for some tongue in cheek satire......
Submitted by reader:
AttkDonkey
(Mark George)
I am writing in
response to your controversial topic about WWF and
their "Adult
Image". Take it from me, WWF has ruined my life. I
was
so wrapped up
in wrestling and Steve Austin that I became obsessed
in
the wrestling
superstar lifestyle. After WWF Raw would conclude I
would be so
wound up with adrenalin I would go into my child’s
room and
stun him until
he was no longer able to walk.
Austin made me his pal
through
television. Watching him drink Steve Weisers made me
crave
alcohol like
never before.
Every Monday I would
stop in for a 12 pack
of beer and
watch Raw until I was downright bombed. I would sit
and rant
and rave like a lunatic for 2 hours while throwing
down beers
like water. I'd perform moves on my family members,
blare rock music
until my
neighbors complained, order my wife to remove her
clothes
like Sable, challenge neighbors to cage matches,
call my dog a bitch
since he
resembles Ken Shamrock. Eventually, my mad behavior
took its
toll. I became an alcoholic, I lost my family, as
well as my job. All because of WWF and wrestling.
======================================
Now we are
happy to print Mark's follow up letter. If you
disagree
with his views,
he doesn't mind if you E-Mail him directly. Just
remember, this
is satire. its not a personal attack on you:
Submitted by reader:
Attkdonkey
(Mark George)
I have received
lots of responses regarding the satirical piece
written on the
WWF and how its "Adult Image" ruined a man's life.
The
reviews have
been mixed. Most enjoyed the article and took it for
what it was
worth (humor). Others, however, showed extreme
negativity
towards it.
Those who responded with extreme displeasure
probably
relate to the
person described in the newsletter and felt singled
out.
So, I felt it
was my duty to reach out and try and help those who
failed to
understand.
Those who
responded negatively fall into the class of "Joe
Wrestling
Fan". See, Joe
Wrestling Fan isn't a bad guy, he is just a man with
a
lack of common
sense, poor judgment and a lack of understanding
about
wrestling and
life in general. For example: Joe Wrestling Fan
would
spend $100 to
take in a wrestling event with his pals while his
family
starves because
there is no food in the house. Joe Wrestling Fan
would attend a
venue with a goatee and shaved head resembling Steve
Austin, yet be
wearing an Undertaker t-shirt. Joe Wrestling Fan
thinks Ultimate
Warrior and Mongo have talent. Joe Wrestling Fan
actually
believes Elizabeth and Eric Bischoff have a sexual
relationship.
Joe Wrestling Fan would purchase an
Austin 3:16 foam
finger and give
it to his 5 year old child. So when you see Joe
Wrestling Fan
be courteous, help the jackass from his slumber, pat
him
on the back and
tell him " Hey Joe, your not half the bitch everyone
says you are".
======================================
The Wrestling
Booking Sheet is pleased to print the
comments/booking
plans of our
readers. For the booking plans, please remember,
these
are FANTASY
plans. Things will NOT really happen this way on TV.
These are just
creative ideas for what would be cool to see. I
don't
personally
agree or even like many of the articles and letters
we
receive; still,
some of the ones I really don't agree with provoke
the
most debate.
Submitted by reader:
FF8SquallX
Here are my
thoughts on how the WWF could seriously spice up
Summer
Slam and
RAWS to come.
RAW is WAR (8/24/98)
The show opens
up with all the usual pyro and commentary. Out of
nowhere HBK's
music hits and
he comes out to a standing ovation. Jim Ross gets
into the
ring for an interview with HBK. HBK talks about when
he might
return, his thoughts on the WWF, etc. He then pulls
out a piece of
paper and
announces that he will be the special referee for
the ladder
IC Title match at SummerSlam, the Rock vs. Triple H.
D-Lo and the
Rock come out to the ring. Rock takes the microphone
and
offers HBK a
spot in the Nation. Rock leaves the ring and Mankind
comes out for a
Euro Title match. X-Pac comes out and makes it a
triple threat
Eventaully, Mankind piledrives D-Lo on the outside
knocking him
out. Mankind wraps up X-Pac in the Mandible Claw in
the
ring. Rock is
yelling at D-Lo that he is going to lose the Euro
Title.
HBK comes out
with a chair. Rock distracts the official and HBK
plasters
Mankind with the chair. D-Lo gets into the ring and
hits
X-pac with the
Lo-Down and retains the Euro Title. Ross and Lawler
speculate
whether HBK was out to help X-Pac or help D-Lo
retain the
title.
As the second
hour begins, DX comes out. Triple H offers HBK a
spot in
DX and calls
for him to come out right now. After a minute, the
Rock's
Nation Theme
plays and only the Rock comes out. He says he is
sick and
tired of Triple
H and that HBK is Nation Material. He then states
that
he will face
Badd Ass in an IC Title Match later in the night.
Austin's music
hits and he comes out to a huge ovation. He asks
himself why in
the hell the Undertaker why driving the hearse and
why
Kane was
dressed like the Undertaker. Vince, Patterson and
Brisco come
out and get
booed. They hit the ring. Vince takes a mic and
speculates why.
He yells, "God Dammit they are in kahoots! Only a
son
of a bitch like
you Austin would think otherwise!!!" McMahon backs
off as Austin
approaches him. UT's Music hits and the lights go
out
giving McMahon
an opportunity to leave. UT cuts them off at the
ramp
and has a mic.
He says, "McMahon, enough of your garbage" he throws
down the mic
and nods to Austin and Austin runs to take the three
out.
Kane emerges
from the crowd and clotheslines Austin down. UT
stares at
the situation
and leaves the area. Kane picks Austin up and Choke
Slams him down
onto the steel ramp. He goes for the tombstone on
the
ramp but Austin
flips out and kick to the chest, Stunner. Austin
gives
Kane the middle
finger and runs backstage.
The Rock and
Bad Ass come out for their IC Title Match. The match
starts and
after about 10 minutes, Billy hits a Rocker Dropper
and
gets a near
fall. He then picks the Rock up and piledrives him
down.
He gets the 2
and 1/2 count and Billy is stunned. The Rock is up
and
scoops Billy up
and drops him. He signals the Peoples Elbow and hits
it. He covers
and gets a near fall. Rock is upset. Billy gets a
head
of steam and
goes to clothesline the Rock but he pulls the
official in
front of him.
Rock wraps up Billy and goes for the Rock Bottom. An
elbow by Billy.
Billy with a kick, Piledriver. No ref to count. DX
and
the Nation both
hit the ring and a brawl ensues. Triple H manages to
get
his hands on
the Rock and delivers a Pedigree before the fight
goes
backstage.
Billy is still down after an Owen hart Sharpshooter.
HBK
hits the
ring with a
steel chair. As Billy and the Rock get up, HBK looks
to hit
Rocky.
Rocky moves and HBK nails Billy. HBK mouths some
curses and leaves the
ringside area.
Rock with a pickup and hits the Rock Bottom, covers
and gets
the win. Ross and Lawler are livid thinking HBK is
in the nation.
Vince McMahon
comes out at 10: 25. He announces that both the
Undertaker and
Austin will be
in action before the night ends. The Undertaker will
meet Val Venis
and Austin will meet Kane and Mankind in a Triple
Threat Match
for the WWF Title.
UT and Val both
come to the ring. They lock up. No contest, UT hits
a
Choke Slam and
almost as quickly delivers a Tombstone and pins Val.
Austin Kane and
Mankind are all in the ring for their match. After
20
minutes, at
11:01, Kane hits a Tombstone on Mankind and goes for
the
pinfall. Austin
is reeling
from the effects of a Mankind Mandible Claw. Kane
covers
Mankind and UT comes to the ring. 1...2... and UT
pulls Kane off of
Mankind. They
stare in the middle of the ring. Austin gets up,
flips UT
around. kick to the gut and Stunner. He pins Kane
and retains the
WWF Title.
Mankind and Kane start attacking Austin as UT
watches and
smiles. RAW
fades off at 11: 04 to that. Ross and lawler ask
themselves why
Austin had to face Kane and Mankind but UT faced Val
Venis?
SummerSlam
(August 30, 1998)
Rock and Triple
H are both in the ring when HBK's Music Hits and he
comes
out. The
match starts
and goes for for well over 25 minutes. At the 29
minute
mark, Rocky hits a Rock Bottom onto the ladder to
Triple H. Rock
starts climbing
the ladder and reaches out for the IC Title. X-Pac
runs into the
ring and pushes the Rock off the ladder. HBK yells
at
X-Pac. X-Pac
tells Shawn, "Hey its me! Sean!" HBK shakes hands
with
X-Pac. The
crowd goes nuts. HBK flips around and nails X-Pac
with
Sweet Chin
Music. Triple H is back up and he starts yelling at
HBK. Rock is
also yelling at
HBK to disqualify Triple H. HBK goes to punch them
both but
they both hug
HBK. Rock climbs the ladder as Triple H watches and
retains the IC
Title. All members of DX and the Nation are asking
themselves what
happened. HBK announces the formation of the Klique,
Triple H, Rocky
and HBK. DX and the Nation both need new leaders.
They are
confused and
begin brawling as HBK, Rocky, and Triple H laugh.
The Outlaws vs.
Kane and Mankind for the Tag Titles in a cage. Both
teams enter the
ring and beat the hell out of each other.
Eventually,
Billy hits
Mankind with a piledriver. Kane climbs to the top of
the
cage trying to
get out to retain the titles. Roaddog and Billy
climb
and catch him
at the top. They nail Kane with a double suplex off
the
top of the cage
and climb up and win the tag Titles. Mankind climbs
to
the top of the
cage as Kane is still out and yells at the Outlaws.
Kane is now up
and frustrated. He shakes the cage and Mankind falls
off. Kane goes
to leave the ring when Mankind put Kane in the
Mandible
Claw. Kane goes
down hard. Mankind to the top of the cage and he
does
the Dude Love
thing with his legs. He elbows Kane off the top like
he
did to Triple H
last year.
Austin and UT
are both in the ring. Match goes on until the 40
minute
mark when
Austin gets a poke in the eye from UT. Austin
stumbles
around and
kicks the ref in the chest and nails the Stunner.
The ref
is out and
Austin covers him. Kane enters the ring with a steel
chair
and hits Austin
with it. Kane picks Austin up as UT watches and
Tombstones him
onto the chair. Dude Love, not Mankind but Dude Love
enters the ring
and hits Kane with the Mandible Claw. UT watches his
little brother
go down. UT picks up the chair and hits Dude. He
then
hits Kane. UT
picks up Austin and drops him with the Tombstone. He
covers and gets
the 3 and becomes the new WWF Champion.
RAW is WAR
(August 31, 1998)
RAW opens up
with Austin coming out. He says he was cheated out
of the
titles just
like he was cheated out of the title at the King of
the
Ring. He calls
UT out and challenges him to a World Title Match. UT
accepts. Vince
comes to the ring and announces that Kane will
compete
as well in a
Triple Threat Match for the WWF Title in the Main
Event.
The Klique
comes out to new kickass music by the Chris Warren
band (DX
Theme
Band). They
talk about how DX and the Nation tired both of them
and how
when HBK
made the offer they could not refuse. Jim Ross
announces that
later that
night, the Rock and Triple H will meet the two new
leaders of DX
and the Nation.
The Nation
without the Rock comes out and asks why Rocky why.
Rocky is
over as
a major heel
now. Kama Mustafa announces the new leader of the
Nation,
Sid! Sid gets a huge huge pop from he fans and does
an interview and
says that he
and whoever the DX Leader is must co-exist and beat
up on the
Kilque.
DX without
Triple H comes out and talks about the problems that
DX had
been
having. Roaddog
is going to announce the new leader of DX when Billy
tells them to
let the crowd wait.
Val Venis comes
out to meet D-Lo in a Euro Title Match. Match goes
on,
and D-Lo hits
the Sky High and gets a 2 3/4 count. Val hits a
fishermens
suplex and
gets the 2 and 3/4. Val climbs the ropes and hits
the Money Shot and
wins the
Euro Title.
Taka comes out and nails Val with the Michinoku
Driver
onto the Euro Belt. Kaienti comes out and Taka
challenges X-Pac. X-Pac
on the
TitanTron accepts.
Taka and X-Pac
come out for a LightWeight Title match. X-Pac hits
the
front face slam
to win the LightWeight Title. After the match, Taka
hits X-Pac with
the Michinoku Driver. he calls for Kaientai to come
out
but no one
does. The TitanTron shows Kaientai all out in their
locker
room. A pool
stick lies over Mens Teoih.
UT comes out
and says that even though neither Austin or Kane
deserves
a shot
at his title,
he will fight anyway to prove that he should be the
Champion.
Rocky and
Triple H come out to the new music. Sid’s music hits
and he comes
out. The
crowd eagerly
awaits the arrival of DX's new leader. DX Music hits
and stops.
Then, the familiar guitar starts playing. The crowd
goes
insane and Sandman walks out. "Enter Sandman" blares
throughout the
arena. Sandman
has the pool stick in his hand and midway to the
ring he
drinks a Bud and shakes it up and hits it against
his head and
throws it into
the crowd. He hits the ring and the match starts. 10
minutes in, Sid
hits the Powerbomb on Triple H and then on Rocky.
Sid runs
to hit HBK off
the ring apron and hits the ref. HBk gets into the
ring
and Sweet Chins
Sid. Sandman runs into the ring with the pool stick
and jabs HBK
with it. He hits HBK with a DDT. Rocky comes from
behind
and wraps
Sandman up and hits Rock Bottom. Sandman kicks out.
Sid goes
to Triple H and
knocks him out of the ring. The ref goes to see
Triple
H and Sandman
hits a reverse Russian LegSweep so Rockys neck hurts
the
pool stick.
Sandman pins Rocky and Sid and Sandman win. The
Nation and
DX decide they
must co-exist to eliminate the Klique.
Austin Kane and
UT are all in the ring for the World Title Match.
Eventually,
Austin hits the
Stunner on the Undertaker. He goes for the cover and
gets the
1...2....three
but Kane pulls Austin off. Kane choke Slams Austin.
Kane
throws
Austin to the outside. Sid grabs Austin on the
outside and hits the
Powerbomb. Sid
tosses Austin back into the ring. Kane and UT are
both down
after a double clothesline. Whoever covers Austin
will be
Champion. UT gets up first and covers Austin.
1.....................2.....................3! UT
still Champion!
Vince comes into the
ring and announces that at the next PPV,
Undertaker will
defend the Title against Kane, Austin, and Sid in a
Final Four
Match. RAW goes off the air to all 4 men brawling.
The staff of The Wrestling Booking Sheet
Editor: Steve Appy
Columnist:
Mark George
Columnist: SamJerry
Columnist: Fritz Capp
Columnist: Rick Phelps
Columnist: Cindy Barnes
Columnist: Josh Hewitt
Columnist: Swami
Columnist: Tom Misnik
Columnist: Nate Pelley
Columnist: Robert Troy (Osiris)
Columnist:
Tom Kirkbride
Columnist:
Ryan S. Oaks
Columnist:
Darren Kramer
Any submissions sent
in by readers or columnists become the property
of The Wrestling
Booking Sheet, and are subject to editing due to
grammar, spelling, or
content. Any information taken from The
Wrestling Booking
Sheet must be credited properly, with our E-Mail
address listed.
Copyright- Steve Appy of The Wrestling Booking Sheet ©1998, 1999, 2000 |