The Wrestling Booking Sheet online newsletter

Issue # 268

Date: Sunday July 18th, 1999 10:50 am

The Wrestling Booking Sheet

ROUNDING THE SQUARED CIRCLE
HEATWAVE '99 - JULY 18,1999 - PREDICTIIONS
BY SAMJERRY

ECW Championship: Taz (C) v. Yoshohiro Tajiri - This match promises to
be only slightly more competitive than an earlier match between their
respective countries. In that match, an Atomic Bomb defeated the city
of Nagasaki. If Tajiri is lucky, he will walk away with his life.
However, knowing ECW booking, this will be the first of a series of
about 1,756 matches between them, so Taz will allow Tajiri to "survive
because he let him." Hopefully ECW will see the light and match Taz
against Rob Van Dam, sooner rather than later. You might also watch for
Dumb@$$ Steve Corino to get in Taz's face and be made into a hood
ornament for Taz's automobile. Either that or Taz will take him back to
Brooklyn and use him for a doorstop.

ECW Tag Team Championship: The Dudley Boyz, Bubba Ray and D-Von, along
with Sign Guy and Advisor Joel "The Stuffed Stud Muffin" Gertner, v.
Balls Mahoney and a Mystery Sacrifice, I mean Partner. Balls is The
Dudley Boyz favorite plaything. They use him the way a Pit Bull uses a
G.I. Joe. The have beat him, cut him, stuck him, broiled him, and many
other things. His Partner will most likely suffer a similar, though
less painful execution. Services for Balls will be held at The Paul E.
Heyman Chapel For Not Too Bright Wrestlers, Nutley, NJ.
BTW, If The Mystery Partner turns out to be Little Spike Dudley (LSD),
watch for his half brothers to (a) launch LSD into about the 10th row
and (b) take each take an Acid Drop from him at one point in the ring.

Justin Credible (or as the fans like to call him 'Just-An @$$hole') and
Calgary, Ontario, Canada's gift to the world (they don't want him back)
Lance Storm, with his "Personal Bytch," Dawn Marie Bytch, and their
Manager/Confidante? Partner/Etc. Jason, v. Rob "Mr. PPV" Van Dam, with
his Manager Bill "Fonzie/I Pass The Chairs" Alfonso and Jerry "New F'N
Show" Lynn. Advice to RVD: Beware Of New F'N Shows Bearing Anything.
This should be the match of the night. All five (Jason counts) men, one
woman and one whistle blower will get involved. If Lynn stays straight,
he and RVD will win a great match. However, I picture Lynn crossing
over and joining forces with the bad guys and ding a number on RVD.
This will lead to a series of about 786 matches between RVD and his
successor to the ECW TV Title. You can take your pick which one it will
be. They are all ready for the step up. That will allow RVD to go after
Taz and the ECW Championship. If you happen to see Tommy Dreamer and
Francine get involved, don't be surprised. Can you spell cat fight?
Francine is looking to send Ms. Bytch to Hell, or Fargo, ND for the
winter, whichever is worse.

Super Crazy v. New Full Blooded Italian (FBI) Little Guido and his 600
pound fibroid cyst, Big Sal E. Graziano. This match will be the sleeper
on the card since Crazy is crazy and Guido is about as sane as a three
day old pepperoni pizza. Lots of high flying and good mat action. Big
Sal will do his worst and Crazy will be squashed in and out of the
ring. Little Guido will win the match with his Italian Crab (that's
'Crab' singular, although one never knows).

Tag Team Match: Dastardly Danny Doring and The Crazy Amish Chicken
Killer v. Chris Chetti and Super Nova. Four Jobbers all trying to make
an impression. This match will either keep the PPV fans at home on the
edge of their seats, or snoring in the middle of their beds. It can go
either way ... action or snoozer. Chetti will eventually pin someone
(in ECW you are never really sure who will be pinned by who and for
what reason).

The Sexiest Man On Earth (or at least in Beautiful Lower Slobovia)
Jason v. The Unnamed Afro American Female (Her friends call her Jazz).
Jason is an equal opportunity punching bag, having been abused by men
and women alike. Jazz will be no exception. We might finally learn that
her name is Jazz as she will tattoo it on Jason's @$$. Of course there
is always the possibility of another female getting involved. What
would an ECW PPV be without at least a couple of cat fights?

Another thing to keep in mind: ECW is known for springing a surprise
guest at their PPV's. They might have anyone from Monica Lewinsky to
Slobodan Milosivic. If they both show up, I predict Monica will blow
him away.
===========================================
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===========================================
Obviously a satire...
THE KNIGHTS of the ROUNDTABLE
By: Senor Diaper (BGPapaPOOP)

Hello my friends,
It is time for us to gather and discuss wrestling with me, Senor
Diaper, and some of my good friends. Arriba, Arriba!!!! Today, A few
of the biggest stars in wrestling have gathered for a few cervesas and
to share their opinions on the wrestling industry. Joining me today
are Steve Austin, The Rock, Hollywood Hogan, and Ric Flair.

Question #1......What is your recipe for becoming a World Champion?

Hogan: " Take your vitamins brother and stepping on the little people"
Flair: "WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Lots and Lotsa WOMEN!!!!"
Rock: " When the Rock is on top, the only recipe is getting rid of
trash like you!"
Austin: " The bottom line is to kick everyones ass, 'cause Stone Cold
said so!!"

Question #2.......Who is the greatest Champion of all time?

Hogan: "Well brother, there is no doubt I am THE best of all time."
Flair: "HOGAN, I am the Nature Boy, and there ain't nobody greater than
a Horseman brother!!! Whoooooooooooo!!"
Rock: " You two are Roody Poo Candy Asses!!! The Rock says know your
damn role and give the Rock his proper respect!!!"
Austin: " You smelly pieces of trash!!! Stone Cold will whip all your
asses!! Now get me a beer you son of a bitch!!!!!"
Hogan: "Here's your beer Austin"

Question #3..........What is the key to a great Pay Per View event?

Hogan: " Giving the Real Americans what they want brother, and that's
Hollywood on top."
Flair: " Giving the ladies a show they'll never forget!!! Whoooooo!!
And Hollywood, you're FIRED!!!"
Rock: " When the People's Champ delivers the People's Elbow, the fans
get exactly what they want, if ya smell what the Rock is cookin'!!!!"
Austin: " If ya think Hollywood is a bitch, gimme a HELL YA!!!!!"
Flair: " HELL, Whoooooooooo, YA!!!!"
Rock: " HELL YA!!"
Hogan: " Austin brother, you are too small to be in my pond, so hit
the bricks."
Austin: " Stone Cold doesn't give a damn about what you think Hogan!!!
You are washed up piece of trash and as soon as I finish my
Stevewieser I am going to whip your talentless ass!! 'Cause that's the
bottom line!!!"

Well, well, well. It looks as we have run out of time. Well my
friends, the first installment of Senor Diaper's KNIGHTS of the
ROUNDTABLE was a success. Please join us next week for more riveting
conversation with me, Senor Diaper. Until then, may all your poops be
muy grande!!!!

Hasta La Vista!!!!
===========================================
ROUNDING THE SQUARED CIRCLE
"LIFE BEGINS AT 50"
OR
"THE PROOF IS IN THE PRUNES"
BY SAMJERRY

Visit my Home Page: http://members.aol.com/SamJerry

Item: Old Baldy Wins WCW Championship: Despite reports that the most
recent translation of the Dead Sea Scrolls indicate that Old Baldy won
his first Title by defeating long time champion, Macho Male of Ithaca,
Macho Male (now known as The Buff and Gruff Macho Man) maintains that
Old Baldy won the match by DQ, by not the Title, when he went hit Old
Baldy with a foreign object that he remembers was the Jawbone of an
Ass. In a related story, the first facial transplant was successfully
completed in the hinterlands of Scotland on a young jobber known as The
Young Piper. Old Baldy is WCW Champion once more having defeated The
B&G Macho Man in a contest in which the winner was determined by which
of these two venerable warriors lasted longest without needing oxygen
or having a massive coronary. The ambulance that stood ready to rush
either (or both) one that suffered a heart attack to a waiting team of
surgeons ready for all contingencies, including a transplant, was not
needed.

Item: Canadian Crybaby not a happy camper: On the heels of his
emotional words on NITRO that had even his biggest detractors feeling
for him, The Canadian Crybaby reverted to form and tore up his
brother-in-law The British Bulldog: "Saw a strange sight yesterday.
Dogs rolling in manure and loving it every minute every minute of it.
For some reason it made me think of how The British Bulldog will do
anything to work for the WWF." His comments are quite understandable
considering how well his career, along with the career of The Bulldog
and another brother-in-law, Jim "The Anvil" Niedhart, have gone since
they arrived in WCW. They all now reside in The Land Of Lost Careers.
WCW really stepped up for The Bulldog during his recent life
threatening illness; they were kind enough to terminate him while he
lay in a hospital bed, reversing it only after there were rumors of a
public lynching of Good King Eric. Heck if you were treated that well,
you would want to return to WCW also, wouldn't you? I feel for you
Bret, but The Bulldog has to put kidney pie on the table for his
family. You may have a vendetta against Vince McMahon, but you can't
expect everyone to goose step behind you.

Item: The Hummer was driverless: After much speculation over who was
driving the Hummer, a mystery as deep as Who Killed Cock Robin, the
brain trust at WCW has "quietly" dropped the angle. When an uproar by
the eight known WCW fans threatened the castle, the bookers now say
they didn't drop the angle, that it was Sting (or was it Stereo Sting?)
driving. Way to go Bookers; one of the very few angles that had fans
interested has been dispatched to the Bowels of the Earth. Note: The
Bowels of The Earth has been definitely identified as being located in
West Texas, in a small dusty undistinguished town, in the basement of
an old plumbers shop.

Item: The Lenny Lane / Lodi Liaison Languishes in LaLa Land: In a story
similar to the Hummer story, the "coming out of the closet" angle has
also "quietly" been dismissed. Remember fans, if you ever see Lenny or
Lodi again, it never happened. There was never a "gay" angle, its
merely a case of mass hysteria. Heaven perish the thought that The
Merry WCW Bookers would just say it was dropped (Dropped Angles 101) as
was done with Beaver Cleavage by the WWF.
Another case of WCW taking the fans for granted. They just change
jackasses in mid stream and plod along.

Item: Flexy Lexy to return soon: It is reported that during his
recovery period, Flexy Lexy added to his repertoire of wrestling moves.
He has doubled the number he was doing and can now apply a wristlock in
addition to The Torture Rack. He is quoted as saying it took hard work
and many hours in the Power Plant under the watchful eyes of every
instructor to accomplish this. His return is being eagerly anticipated
by_________ (fill in a name if you can think of one).

Item: The WWF Millennium Clock is ticking: The Millennium Clock that
you saw on RAW this past Monday is not a countdown to Armageddon on
Y2K. It runs until August and is rumored to mean The Millennium Man is
coming and that man is Chris Jericho. While the bit may be a bit hokey,
Jericho could very well be the man to lead the WWF into the next
Millennium, assuming of course the world doesn't end at 12 Midnight
December 31, 1999, or is it 12:01 AM January 1, 2000, and in what time
zone is the official end of the world. If its Greenwich Meridian Time
(GMT), you better start your New Year's Eve Party very early.

Item: Vince McMahon struck by a car: While out riding around on his
shiny new $1,000,000 motorcycle, paid for by the sweat of his slaves
and WWF fans, McMahon was hit and suffered a broken tail bone. Isn't it
poetic justice that the man lovingly known as "@$$hole" would break the
bone nearest to his nether opening. Police investigating the accident
say that there is nothing to connect the driver of the vehicle that
struck McMahon to WCW or Good King Eric. Reports that the driver was
last seen "reluctantly" getting into a limo outside WCW Headquarters
accompanied by agents of the Serbian Internal Security Police can't be
confirmed. One of those accompanying the driver was reported to have
yelled at the driver of the vehicle that struck McMahon, "Your aim
sucks."

Item: Jesse "The Body/Mind" Ventura to be part of SummerSlam: Saving
the best for last, Minnesota Governor Jesse "The Mind" Ventura will be
Special Guest Referee for the Main Event at SummerSlam. At the Press
Conference where this was announced, Ventura said he is above McMahon.
That would make him "The Even Higher Power<" and he took no time
telling McMahon what he thought of him. He will be paid $100, 000 for
his efforts and is donating it in equal parts to a charity and the high
school he attended. He is also being granted certain other rights.
There has been somewhat of an uproar over this. its all right for
politicians to play tennis, golf and other things, but participating in
a wrestling match is wrong? Some people have their hats screwed on too
tights. What he does with his leisure time is his business. Maybe they
would prefer that he spend quality time with an intern.
===========================================
CROSS PROMOTION
Written by reader: KFITZPATI
I think that your newsletter -particularly the points of SAMJERRY and
Mike Mooneyham- have brought up a big point in the reason why WCW has
been in a freefall. Yes, WCW fans can point out that compared to 1993-5
that ratings are better, attendance outside the state of Georgia is
better, and so on. But to a lot of fans lately, we have seen the
mighty GKE (Good King Eric, Savior of the Sons and Titan of TNT) take a
direction that has brought in admitted mixed results.

Simply put I'll explain: most people who followed wrestling since the
early to mid 1980's remember the heat McMahon got for not only going
through the traditional
"territories" but also the fact that he put a lot of time, $$$ and
advertising into non-wrestling celeberties for his events. While that's
been going on in wrestling for long since I was born (see: former
boxing great Joe Louis in the 50's, Joe Frazier officiating the
Flair-Rhodes main event at Starrcade 84), McMahon was laid into by the
traditionalists and the Bill Apter led magazines (PWI, The
Wrestler,etc.) as destroying the sport when the rock-n-wrestling angle
with Cyndi Lauper, etc. was being shown on MTV, Wrestlemanias and the
like.

While McMahon has not completely shied away from using non-wrestling
celebrities (see: Tyson, Wrestlemania XIV) the fact is that the mighty
Good King Eric seems to have had a reliance on it more and more in
recent years. We're not talking about the former five foot three dude
on the Wonder Years (Jason Hervey) being shown ringside every couple of
months on a TBS Clash of the Champions: instead we are seeing
non-wrestlers become as big-if not bigger- a part of the angles in ALL
WCW EVENTS. Dennis Rodman, Karl Malone, Jay Leno (Jay Leno???), Master
P, Megadeth- in my opinion, at least, Bischoff has concentrated more
and more on bringing what he considers "sports entertainment" into his
WCW mix more important than keeping his talent happy.

And -again, in my opinion,at least- it doesn't seem to helping- in
fact, a lot of the Good King's plans seem to failing. King Rodman?
Already no-showed a photo shoot. Master P? I caught the little New
Orleans Nitro incident on TV with him, Hennig and the birthday cake- it
made me switch the channel and not come back that night. If WCW
announcers think that angle is going todominate the ratings, perhaps El
Dandy will sell out the Georgia Dome next time they're there.

And speaking of the Georgia Dome...Seems like promoting Megadeth was
more important to WCW then trying to have a good -A GOOD-TV program in
their own damn backyard. Bottom line: Good King Eric, SAMJERRY is
right on the money. Either shape up or ship out- that's a message that
looks to be more apparent as time goes on. We know the talent is there.
But as sure as you had your Nash job on the first Nitro of 1999, things
just look like they've been in a downward spiral. And it may not be
looking too good when you have gone from being a dominant trendsetter
(see: NWO, 1996) to a man who is getting beat in ticket sales at his
crown jewel (the Georgia Dome) by the man whom noneother than YOU
declared an idiot on TV a few months back, Mr. Vince McMahon and the
WWF.

Those readers of the newsletter may remember that back in January I was
printed here as saying that Bischoff may have a long 1999 in store for
him unless some changes were made (after the before mentioned jobbing
of Nash to Hogan in the Georgia Dome).Unfortunately for Bischoff, if
you look at everything-keeping talent happy, keeping talent together,
ratings, angles, booking, pay-per-views,etc.) the same opinion rings
true from a lot of fans out here as we look at things right now in the
middle of summer- TBS andTNT and the Georgia Boys are defintely not on
the
track of the Great American Bash series of the mid 80's........
===========================================
A WCW/WWF COMPARISON
Written by reader: Owen144
I'd just like to express my appreciation for your newsletter, it is
very interesting and informative. I think you are right to include more
opinion, commentary and inside information...we watch TV to see what
goes on, but they obviously don't tell us the inside story, although
JR's weekly column has become more outspoken recently, what with him
criticising the KOTR. That's what wrestling needs more of, opinion and
debate.

Apprapo of nothing...Here in the UK Nitro and Raw overlap each other on
a Friday night, and I was amazed at the difference in quality between
the two shows. On one channel we had Savage and Nash having a stale
debate about stale issues which eventually led to Savage having sewage
tipped on him...wow. On RAW, however, we had the revealing of the
Higher Power, a superb performance from the McMahons (Stephanie
included) and a show with storylines and interest, unlike Nitro which
is merely seen as a prelude to the PPV's. WCW is so far behind, they
need more than big stars to support it now.
===========================================
The staff of The Wrestling Booking Sheet
Editor: Steve Appy
Columnist:Mark George
Columnist: SamJerry
Columnist: Fritz Capp
Columnist: Rick Phelps
Columnist: Cindy Barnes
Columnist: Josh Hewitt
Columnist: Swami
Columnist: Tom Misnik
Columnist: Nate Pelley Columnist: Robert Troy (Osiris) Columnist: Tom Kirkbride Columnist: Ryan S. Oaks Columnist: Darren Kramer Any submissions sent in by readers or columnists become the property of The Wrestling Booking Sheet, and are subject to editing due to grammar, spelling, or content. Any information taken from The Wrestling Booking Sheet must be credited properly, with our E-Mail address listed. We have no problem if you want to use our stuff; just credit it properly.

"When you're young and you pick up a guitar, it feels so powerful. It feels like you pulled the sword from the stone. I used to believe that it could save the world. But I don't really believe that anymore." - Bruce Springsteen

"The greatest challenge of adulthood is holding on to your idealism after you lose your innocence and believing in the power of the human spirit after you come crashing into the limits of the real adult world." - Bruce Springsteen