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Vandy! (September 1996)


Beer!  (February 2006)

Issue # 280

Date:  Saturday August 21st, 1999  3:14 pm

The Wrestling Booking Sheet


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You asked for it, you got it. Once again SamJerry is here to tell you
who will win, and how at SummerSlam. Heck I might even get one or two
right this time.

WWF Women's Championship Match
Ivory (C) v. Tori
The most awaited woman's match since Zena faced Nemesis ... by every
Lesbian in
San Francisco, that it. It is rumored that the PPV will set
a new buy rate in the
San Francisco area; an expected 69.96. Tori will
tear off every one of Ivory's face lifts off and reveal her to be The
Great Moolah, former WWF Women's Champion from 1918 - 1984. Moolah will
then completely shed her skin and reveal herself to be Sable! Hugh
Heffner, who was watching the PPV at The Playboy Mansion, will choke on
his dinner of Miss September and Miss October. Tori will take the
Championship Belt, appear on NITRO the next night and hand it to The
Macho Man since he is better at beating up women then she will ever be.
Winner - Tori
Winner - The Macho Man

WWF Hardcore Championship Match
Triple Threat Match
Big Boss Man (C) v. Al Snow v. Road Dogg
The match will reach new heights in Hardcore action. It will quickly
move outside the building and onto
Minneapolis' main road, which also
happens to be its only road. A local farmer's widow, 86 year old
Elvira Sue Dudley, on her way to the local Piggly Wiggly, which also
happens to be
Minneapolis' only supermarket, will hit The Boss Man with
her 1928 Ford. He will be thrown onto the hood and Elvira will bring
him home with her. The Boss Man will never be seen again, thus making
virtually every wrestling fan happy, and definitely making Elvira Sue
happy. He will eventually be elected Governor of Minnesota. The people
Minnesota will not notice any difference. Meanwhile, Snow and Doggie
will stage an epic Hardcore match. However, Pepper will win it when he
turns on Snow and bites his Little Al off, then chokes Doggie with it.
Pepper will continue his career as Spokes Dog for a Mexican Food
Chain, but be shamed when it is discovered that he uses Little Al's in
his Taco's. The Hardcore Title will be vacated, a Tournament will be
held, with the finals on the next PPV.
Winner - Pepper - New Hardcore Champion
Winner - Elvira Sue Dudley
Loser - The Big Boss Man

Tag Team Elimination Match - No. 1 Tag Team Contenders Match
The Acolytes v. The Hardy Boyz v. Godfather/Val Venis v.
Visera/Mideon v. Droz/Prince Albert v. The Holly's,
With A Surprise Guest Appearance By The Dudley Boyz
This will not be pretty. Droz and
Prince Albert will be eliminated when
The Godfather and six of his Ho's hold them down, allowing Val Venis to
pierce them with The Big Valbowski and permanently connect them
together will a six foot piece of steel bar that he will fuse at
ringside. They will be return in six months as Prince Drozbert,
competing as both a tag team and a single. The Hardy Boyz will be
counted out when they decide its time for them to finally become men
in the biblical sense. They will each grab a Ho and not be seen for six
months. When they return they will be married to their first loves,
smoking cigarettes and wearing a smile that will take a year to
disappear. They will continue wrestling, but go onto dual careers,
along with their brides, starring in Val Venis Videos. Mideon and
Visera, who have been doing nothing but taking up time and space, much
as they always have, will be next out. After dropping The Big Boss Man
off at her luxury double wide, Elvira Sue Dudley will return and
mistake both of them for sides of beef that need curing. She will have
them picked up by a front loader and brought to the curing house
adjacent to her luxury double wide. Neither will ever be seen again.
Neither will be missed. Elvira Sue's Home Made Sausage will suddendly
have a new taste. It will make her a millionaire, allowing her and The
Big Boss Man to add another section to their luxury double wide, making
it the biggest tourist attraction in
Minnesota. What do expect from a
state that has more lakes than people and an average daily temperature
-10F. The Godfather and Val Venis will be next out as The Godfather
falls victim to Bradshaw's Clothesline From Hell, which is the closest
thing to a wrestling move thus far. Venis will be too busy to make the
save as he will be auditioning the Ho's at ringside for his next video,
much to the delight of the crowd and viewers. This will leave The
Acolytes and The Holly's. The Holly's have been fighting since RAW and
are still at it. Being smarter than your average mound of dirt, The
Acolytes will allow The Hardy's to eliminate themselves. Crash Holly
will deck Hardwood Holly and take on The Acolytes alone. He will prove
he is a true 210 pound Super Heavyweight as he will throw Bradshaw thru
the TitanTron and Farooq into the upper deck. He will grab a mic and
tell Goldberg he's next. Goldberg, who will be watching at home, will
be last seen boarding a plane to
Lower Rwanda. The Dudley Boyz, Bubba
Ray and D-Von, in town to visit great aunt Elvira Sue, will storm the
ring and destroy The Holly's. Bubba Ray will rip a mic from the ring
announcers hand, taking his arm with it. He will insult the entire
population of
Minnesota (all 187 of them), their ancestors and the next
ten generations. This will incite a riot and necessitate calling out
the National Guard. The Dudley Boyz will wipe out the
National Guard and all their farm animals. To make peace, Governor
Jesse Ventura will grant them pardons and a lifetime passes to
Minnesota's only other tourist attraction, The Mall of America.
Winners - The Holly's
Losers - The Holly's
Winner - Johan Karpelotomzinc - Owner of Johan's House of Trailers
Losers - All the tag teams in the WWF
Losers - The Minnesota National Guard
Winners - The Dudley Boyz

"Two Titles on the Line"
WWF Intercontinental/European Championship Match
D'Lo Brown (C) v. JJ, with Debra and The Puppies
This match will mark the beginning of the end of the relationship
between JJ and Debra. She will get up on the apron and flash The
Puppies at JJ, who in reality has never seen them, which is the real
reason he is so pissed off all the time. This should allow D-Lo to roll
JJ up and pin him. However, D-Lo will also be enchanted by The Puppies.
Debra will get into the ring and finally show The Puppies to the world.
This will so infuriate Stone Cold Steve Austin that he will charge the
ring and nail JJ and D-Lo with Stunners. Rushing to cover up The
Austin will fall on both JJ and D-Lo and pin both. Austin will
take the mic and announce that he is adding the Intercontinental title
to the WWF Championship and formally anointing himself a deity. He
will claim the Intercontinental Title is as important as the WWF
Championship and he is the only one good enough to hold either one. He
will give the European Title to Debra. She will defend it as
ferociously as she did the Women's Title.
Winner - Stone Cold Steve Austin -New Intercontinental Champion
Winner - Debra - New European Champion

"Love Her or Leave Her" Match
Shane McMahon v. Test
Alas, true love never runs smooth. Test will find out that its like
twenty miles of bad road. After going thru the Mean Street Pussies to
get to Shane, he will find it was all in vain. Sweet Stephanie, the
picture of purity and innocence. Wrong! She's a McMahon, and that means
she a Succubus. She will entrance Test and call for The Undertaker's
Symbol. The Druids will bring it to the ring, accompanied by The
Undertaker and Paul Bearer. We will find out that Stephanie is really
The Higher Power. She will sacrifice Test by cutting out his beating
heart. The buy rate for the replay will be astronomical as word gets
around of the sacrifice. Not to worry, Test will emerge on RAW as
Winner - Shane
Winner - The WWF Coffers
Loser - Test
Loser - True Love

Lions Den Weapons Match
Ken Shamrock v. Steve Blackman
Finally a match on Shamrock's turf, and using Blackman's weapons.
Shamrock will try for a quick ankle lock submission. Blackman will go
for a razor sharp Japanese sword. Scratch Shamrock's left arm. He will
hardly notice its missing. Shamrock will go for another ankle lock
submission. Blackman will go for a razor sharp ax. Scratch Shamrock's
right arm. He will hardly notice its missing. Shamrock will wrap his
legs around Blackman's neck. Blackman will go for a razor sharp dagger.
It will take a bit longer, but scratch Shamrock's left leg. He will
hardly notice its missing. Shamrock will drop his right leg across
Blackman's throat and hold it there. Blackman will go for a broad
sword. Scratch Shamrock's right leg. He will hardly notice its
missing. Sensing he has Shamrock, Blackman will reach for a pair of
Throwing Stars. Scratch Shamrock's eyes. He will hardly notice they're
missing. Blackman will reach for his Num-Chucks and attempt to throttle
Shamrock. He will hardly notice. A frustrated Blackman will make a
fatal mistake by allowing Shamrock to grab his ankle with his teeth.
Blackman will submit. All of Shamrock's severed limbs will be
reattached and his eyes replaced by lasers. He will emerge as the 12
Million Dollar Man, return to the UWF, where he will again become
champion after killing 36 men. Blackman will resume his career in the
WWF, eventually winning the Intercontinental Title in a Samurai Triple
Threat To The Death, Three Men Enter, One Man Lives Match, against
Sammo Hung and Jackie Chan. He will also wait for Shamrock to return,
swearing he can beat him.
Winner - Steve Blackman
Winner - The Acme Martial Arts Supply Company,
Division of The Acme Corporation

WWF Tag Team Championship Match
X-Pac and Kane (C) v. The Undertaker and The Big Show
The Undertaker and The Big Show will use their size advantage to
X-Pac, who will look like a rose bush among three redwood trees. Kane
will get the hot tag and clean house. Hmmm, sounds familiar. He will
clean house, but fall to the double team tactics of The Undertaker and
The Big Show. X-Pac will come in and hit the Bronco Buster on The
Undertaker. While Kane and The Undertaker are fighting on the floor,
X-Pac will nail The Big Show with The X-Factor. It still sounds
familiar. As he is about to cover The Big Show, The Dudley Boyz will
return. It will be 3-D Dudley Death Drops for everyone. Bubba Ray will
again grab a mic and scoff at the WWF's tag team division. He will
challenge every one of them to matches the next night on RAW. While he
is talking, D-Von will open four tables in the ring, douse them with
lighter fluid, pour roofing nails on each, and then ignite them all.
One by one, X-Pac, Kane, The Undertaker and The Big Show, will be power
bombed thru a burning table. Elvira Sue will be proud of her nephews.
The Big Boss Man will agree. He better.
The Rock v. Mr. Ass
"Kiss My @$$ Match"
Loser Must Pucker Up And Plant A Big Wet One On The Winners @$$

A match to determine who has the nicest @$$ in the WWF. My vote goes to
Terri Runnels. They will fight all around the building, with The Rock
providing commentary as they go. We will see The People's Eyebrow, The
People's Garbage Can, The People's Ring Steps, The People's Time
Keeper's Bell, The People's TV Cables, The People's Cup of Soda, The
People's Table, The People's Announcer's Table, The People's Spanish
Announcer's Table,The People's Video Monitor, and finally The People's
Elbow used. As The Rock goes for the cover, Chris Jericho will hit the
ring, and blast The Rock with The People's Chair. Mr. @$$ will cover
him to win. He will then drop his tights and wait for a kiss from The
People's Lips. Instead he will get The People's Size 14 Boot planted up
his Roody Poo Candy @$$ sideways. The Rock will be unable to pull his
foot out, so they will bath be taken out that way. The Rock's foot will
be surgically removed by The People's Doctor, at The People's Hospital.
Mr. @$$ will be eating standing up for three months. The People's HMO
will refuse to pay the bill, calling it medically unnecessary.
Winner - Mr. @$$
Loser - Mr. @$$ - The People's Doctor was unable to remove
The People's Boot from his @$$
Winner - The People's Hospital, Division of The Acme Corporation

WWF World Heavyweight Title Match
Stone Cold Steve Austin (C) v. Triple H v. Mankind
Special Referee: Jesse Ventura
Austin will come to the ring with both the Intercontinental and WWF
Championship Belts. Triple H will be accompanied to the ring by the real No.
1 Contender, Chyna. Mankind will be accompanied by Mr. Socko. Chyna
will take shots at Austin and Mankind every chance she gets. She will
try to nail Jesse, but will be restrained by his security force. She
will kick the crap out of them. Austin will avoid the action as much as
possible, allowing Triple H and Mankind to wear themselves down. Midway thru
he will chug down a six pack of Steveweiser's and finally go to work.
He will nail Triple H, Mankind and Chyna with Stunners. He will then go for
Jesse. The crowd will roar their approval. It is not to be. Triple H will
awake and take him down. While they are fighting, Mankind will get up
and put Mr. Socko on. He will go after Triple H, but Chyna will nail him
from behind with a low blow. Being an equal opportunity b*lls masher,
she will nail Austin with one. Triple H will take advantage and hit Mankind
with The Pedigree. As he goes for the cover, Chyna will pull him off
and go for the cover herself. A fight will ensue between Triple H and Chyna.
They will end up on top of Mankind and get the three count. Jesse wont
know whose hand to raise, so will make the biggest decision since he
was elected. He will raise both their hands and for the first time in
WWF history, there will be CO-Champions. Triple H will say that's like
kissing your sister. Bubba Ray will be heard to say that kissing you
sister is a lot more fun. He should know. It appears that we will have
to wait for RAW to see who is Champion, or if we will have CO-Champions.
Winners - Triple H and Chyna - New CO-WWF Champions
Loser - Stone Cold Steve Austin - His time as a Deity didn't pay off
Winners - The Bookers and Fans - Think of the possibilities having
Straight Shooting
by : Fritz Capp (pwbts)
PWBTS 2000

Leslie Davis, an environmental activist who filed a lawsuit and applied
for a restraining order Wednesday against Governor Jesse Ventura, was
denied his suit by District Judge Kathleen Gearin, who cited that Davis
did not have enough of a stake in Ventura’s outside activities to sue.
Is this the epitome of a moron or what? How about getting a life? This
imbecile did this just to see his own name in the paper. I guess it
also helps that he was a write in candidate last year running against
Ventura for the gubernatorial position.

The Insane Clown Posse, now of WCW fame, was on Howard Stern this week,
mostly taking jabs as Ozzy Ozbourne and his wife Sharon. Now this was
some good clean entertainment, something I am sure every WCW official
should have let their kids listen to (very sarcastic remark). If WCW
was worried about what's her name and that stupid porn video she did
they should be quaking in their shoes having these two idiots in their
rankings. Instead of trying to add another legitimate tag team in their
locker room they go out and get these two dolts off the street. How
about giving Public Enemy a push...I mean these guys have paid more
dues then most. Oh, that’s right, you did, right into oblivion.

To all of our surprise Hulk Hogan is now saying he is not going to
retire. Need I say more?

I have received a lot of letters lately about wrestling websites that
do not send the merchandise that they advertise on their sites although
they are very quick to take the cash. If you have had this problem
there is a list of State Attorney General’s Offices on the PWBTS 2000
site that you can call to help you rectify this problem. Also if you
have had this problem e-mail me at pwbts with your story.
Please put the subject as "I’ve been ripped" and include your
name...who the offending site was.....what you ordered, how much they
took and how long you have been waiting. I am printing these letters to
let everyone read these so they can make an intelligent decision as to
who to or who not to order wrestling merchandise from. There are great
wrestling sites out there that do what they promise....I just want the
ones that do not to be known so they are no longer supported by you,
the honest hardworking wrestling fan.

One week before ECW goes on it’s first national feed, Paul Heyman was
on MSNBC and I must say that he made a good accounting of himself. I
have to say (well I don’t really but I will anyway) I have been waiting
a few years now for Paul to get his act back together and it may be
happening. I look forward to watching the ECW program on TNN this
upcoming Friday night.

According to my good friend Phil Varlese of The Wrestling Guys Radio
Show the Dudley Boyz will be the 7th tag team this Sunday night at
SummerSlam. Phil has a pretty good source as he told the world 4 weeks
ago that Stevie Richards was heading to the WWF. That is before ANYONE
else ran that story. If you are not familiar with The Wrestling Guys
Radio Show it is broadcast live over the airwaves of Southern New
Jersey every Monday night at 6 pm. If you are not in the area you can
still listen to the live feed and also call into the show toll free by
going to

I was over a friends house and I believe I saw the next woman the WWF
should go after. We were flipping through the channels and on the
Playboy Channel they had a show called Sex Court with Judge Julie I
believe it was. She would fit right in and the gimmick would be a kick
to watch them play out. She’s got the looks and an angle that would
make all the fat, out of shape, begging to make some money WCW marks
out there cringe but to hell with everyone crying about the lack of
morality in wrestling, if everyone is going to complain and whine
anyway might as well have a little fun in the process huh?

Why is it that almost everyone who writes me hate mail whines a little
bit about what I wrote then goes into a tirade about how I probably
never had a girlfriend? Is this their way of shoving their inadequacies
onto me? Let me tell you all I have been a musician for over 35 years
and believe me when I tell you I had more women than your little
fantasies will ever dream up. You can go back to your hand cream now.

Savage is now saying that it is Hulk Hogan who is responsible for his
lack of heat. Is he joking? Randy Savage is about as over as a minority
at a KKK rally and he has no one but himself to blame. He sucks! He’s
over weight, old and has no more charisma. He is trying to ride off of
what he did 10 years ago and it just doesn’t work anymore. Face it
Randy, time to go out to pasture.

While Lenny and Lodi have been revealed to be brothers WCW continues to
have very homosexual overtones to the angle. Chalk up another one for
family oriented wrestling programming!

A few weeks ago the Internet was deluged with fake news sent by e-mail
all due to a little contest by Scotsman of The list of
people who just took the news and reported it without checking the
facts first was unbelievable. There is one name who isn’t on this list
though....MINE! Remember that when your looking for someone who always
checks their facts as far as wrestling news is concerned?

And with that one I’m outta here. Remember wrestling is nothing more
than what it appears to be.

(The PWBTS 2000 Website is adding more and more features everyday. More
than just a newsboard we have a myriad of wrestling related sections
for your enjoyment. Stop over and check us out, you'll be back again
and again.)
The staff of The Wrestling Booking Sheet
Editor: Steve Appy
Columnist: Mark George
Columnist: SamJerry
Columnist: Fritz Capp
Columnist: Rick Phelps
Columnist: Cindy Barnes
Columnist: Josh Hewitt
Columnist: Swami
Columnist: Tom Misnik
Columnist: Nate Pelley
Columnist: Robert Troy (Osiris)
Tom Kirkbride
Columnist: Ryan S. Oaks
Columnist: Darren Kramer

Any submissions sent in by readers or columnists become the property of The Wrestling Booking Sheet, and are subject to editing due to grammar, spelling, or content. Any information taken from The Wrestling Booking Sheet must be credited properly, with our E-Mail address listed. We have no problem if you want to use our stuff; just credit it properly.

Copyright- Steve Appy of The Wrestling Booking Sheet ©1998, 1999, 2000


"When you're young and you pick up a guitar, it feels so powerful. It feels like you pulled the sword from the stone. I used to believe that it could save the world. But I don't really believe that anymore." - Bruce Springsteen

"The greatest challenge of adulthood is holding on to your idealism
after you lose your innocence and believing in the power of the human
spirit after you come crashing into the limits of the real adult
world." - Bruce Springsteen


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All Rights Reserved.

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